I’m really excited for the eclipse even though this city gets a partial. I joined several dozen New Yorkers in the procrastinated purchase of fold-them-yourself eclipse glasses at that retailer that very few of the several dozen don’t really care to support (I’m not thrilled that I went there to purchase them and I can’t stress this enough). Fortunately, I bought them on-line right as the Shabbat window opened last night and picked them up this morning. No wait! One pair goes on my face, another gets chopped up and taped onto my old iPhone’s camera lens, two will be sent to someone who gets an eclipse in early 2018, and the last pair is a paranoid double for my face or the coworker I like the most. I don’t know why I’m excited to see the eclipse. I don’t know why something as stupid as eclipse glasses motivated me enough to leave the apartment. I don’t know where in T to hang around to catch a good glimpse. I hope to see something like Debord’s 1983 cover.¹ | I finalized the layout for some _ yesterday. I can’t wait for production mode and am excited to see how it will turn out. I don’t know that it makes any sense, but the part of me that is trying not to think of all my work as shit thinks that it makes enough sense. Appropriate appropriationists sort of shit. It’s fine, it will be all be fine. I will blaze through production mode and will be itching for the next project. All of which came early this year–typically this comes over me right as fall starts. I’m a bit unhappy about this because I know it means I’m distracting myself from all the things I have to do. Things I should be more committed to. | On my way to grab glasses, I passed the ESB, which is easily my favorite building in NY (favorite when viewed from the water) even with all the emo hullabaloo that I have associated with it. From Tourists mouths while passing So where is the ESB? Do you think we can skip this? I think this is it. I’ve always liked that there isn’t some grand plaza built around it. | What am I writing about. | Has David Graeber ever worked a “bullshit job”?² My employers sent that² out as an aside to one of the bullshit Skype-meetings they hold with the entire office / they waste 4 hours of everyone’s bullshit time on to get absolutely 0 bullshit done (on time). Sometimes I wish at least one of them would think twice before sending out a bullshit email on bullshit jobs because she’s vieux riche backed and thinks she’s clever in sending the email because she thinks it will get us to work harder. 8 months in and I still haven’t seen her make any architecture. To makes matters worse, these Skype meetings occur outside of office hours because they can’t stuff it into a 9 hr day that should be enough for an office of 10 people to bust out some serious bullshit. At this point, I’m not even worried about what’s obvious and what’s not. I spend a lot of time at my bullshit job wondering when I’ll be fired for irreconcilable differences in views on productivity and making deadlines. | I guess the 10+ hr workday is common in architecture. I wonder when a band of firms will try to correct this. Yr not a perfectionist if you can’t master time. | Ina Garten knows what’s up and down inside out and barefooted and socked and shoed with her lemon cake. 🍋³

My coworker shit his pants a lil during lunchtime and there was a spot on his jeans on the walk back. He was fortunate in that the rounded hem of his patterned shirt covered the spot. He didn’t really notice, but I didn’t know how to bring up the shit spot so I didn’t say anything and I felt like a real ahole (pun intended) for not saying anything and for a good part of the afternoon. Intern 1 is leaving and this bugs because she was the hardest worker in the pack. I gifted her two T_ eraser sticks that I use often, that I figure she might find useful and some old, but sort of new considering the project revival that’s been happening around me, work and told her it was all Some shit I made. I think it’s important to casually call work shit because it’s all shit unless– … I sort of hate how quickly people come and go at work, but I’ll eventually be one of those people and maybe that is okay. I doubt I will leave in the same way. | It’s raining and thundering over the island–this chills everyone the blank out a lil bit. It’s more quiet. All the aholes in the hood who blast generally obscene music on the street can’t park it, so I’m happy. I really don’t mind Latin Top 40 bc it’s not … th/pumpy?? and crass. It just has a sort of dumb beat. A grocery store opened across the street and another will be opening down the street–no rezoning on those sites/the mayor’s, like, Keep the poor zones densified and affordable for those who’d like to stay (blunt gentrification is what NYT wrote). New Yorkers who aren’t poor are poor in their own ways / this city makes everyone poor in some way. | I keep getting distracted from completing this post. | Personal work is fine, but I need to take a break from the 9 to 5 in order to complete it. I don’t know what excuse I’ll come up with but I’ll come up with something. I spent 3 days on a _ that didn’t come back right, so I had to get it _-_. I think the next batch will be just right, or right enough to send a version to the person I avoid writing about. What other work–I need to finish assembling some _s, write through some article for _, dye a batch of plastic pieces in a _ _. My general fear of failure / not getting things right the first try has been keeping me from heaps of work. I think I blamed my mother for this fear in the past, some shit she said to me when I was 6 or 7, but I think I’m over it. Or I run I have a blanking 9 to 5 she should be happy I am making an effort to participate in Reality even though I don’t believe in it. through the pink. Good whomever, it’s just plastic pieces, it’s just an article, it’s just paper, it’s JUST a job–all of which should have nothing to do with my mother. | I ran into some people I wrote about for _ on the train and it was awkward, or I made it intentionally awkward because I think they caught onto my whole IRL never go into detail about yrself shit, always divert by letting the other person go into detail about their shit. I mean I may have asked too many questions and probably didn’t flatter them as much as they would’ve liked. Awkward Too because I have been working on enunciaTing my Ts and Ds. Yesterday, train ride south, ran into some people I used as subjects for a–really a pair of people who I’d never see again in my life and they were just there. Just two really soft-spoken people with tender mannerisms. Back to the other two: After they got off the train, some tallish man who looked like a cross between Alex Katz, Bill Cunningham and Kenneth Frampton in this shirt and hat¹ (but black) of Picasso’s and all else black got on the train, stood his umbrella between his knees and sat to read his paper. He’s going to save 25% somewhere–he tore out the coupon like a kid opening birthday presents with a controlled sort of shame. | My shame around / that envelopes the job I work mostly for my mother is a full-blown shame. 🔫 | Really blanking excited for this weekend. It’s going to be a productive one.

First note on new phone. Work was boring today. Work is working on an installation for the blank blank in a F_ city. Not one of the first cities you think of. The plan looks like some Judeo-Wiccan what??? but the intern drawing them is so capable, capable of more, capable of better. I especially like the isometrics that come out of thin air. Pooooof! | I spent a good part of the day in a book called The Shaker World. Plenty of visual conjecture re Judd and Martin referencing? (I can’t write that I was reading closely, just looking) their brand of minimalism. Some strange shit came over me while I was in the library leafing through its pages. Conjecture bc Judd was just a control freak who gave his daughter the little room and his son the loft so he could never be the Shaker brand of thoughtful. Or maybe that was the point. Shakers were in total control of their desires and their relationship to The World. But still conjecture because Judd didn’t actually make shit after a certain point in his career, he was just a puppet master. Koons, Hirst sort of shit. In a dream I was a Shaker carpenter who could compose the shit out of the facade of a dresser and choose just the right not intended as Pomo teal blue to top it all off. My mind was lacquering all the woodwork a la Eileen Gray or some Japanese craftsman immune to urushi. I won’t get into the Martin bc I’m still working on some thoughts ab the marketing strategy she developed for her work as a resp–not here not now| Last night, I tried improving my monochrome with three variations self imposed uniform and failed. It was bullshit, like work. | 42nd Street | Home | So many men in pink shirts in T today. 6. | At the office lunch, I mentioned that it’s probably not a great idea for the office to work with someone who will be a judge of the next competition they’re submitting to and Captain Yale said But it’s anonymous and in the back of my head I thought U think this brand of forced struggle isn’t typical enough of the male principal that that judge wouldn’t catch on? The blank U id. Oh wait u guys aren’t struggling or suffering w this 1 bc yr just recycling a building u submitted for a competition u lost. I think I have written about this and yes thinking twd everything office re is as annoying as txt shortform. Wut stoop aO defends any of this shit. | Enough.

It is not 2am but it feels like 2am. I am working on a project that I have been putting off. These projects are possible because I take various liberties with the _ at w_–mostly I just use the _ when no one is l_. Not hurting anyone, who cares. | Work was painfully boring, slow, unproductive. I spent a good part of the day reading whatever I could on the finish intended for the significant-building-I-saw-recently’s concrete and was pleasantly surprised. Though the color of the concrete is terrible, I guess it’s much better than g_-l_ or a m_ed white. That led to other reading or trying to track down some notes on Pomo by Eco. Which led to Pugin’s Contrasts plates which led to a bit of Fra which led to the IBSG Museum, etc. etc. etc. Old haunts, new haunts, all perfect distractions from work. Jencks, too. All that Viva Italia in New Orleans and some housing project of his in New Haven.| The principals left this morning and peace ensued. One of the tasks I had on my list was to get them and a friend of theirs in touch with all the _ _s they like (what the blank is that criteria) in the city I quit, which was all sort of bullshit because the emails should have been sent to the _ _s by them. The 9 to 5 to 8 to whatever is all just ridiculous middlemanning. Sometimes it feels like middlemanning on behalf of college students. Other times it feels like middlemanning on behalf of second graders. At one of the last meetings, they decided one of the project managers would middleman their relationship with a client’s middle(wo)man, all because one of the principals’ initial enthusiasms quickly morph into obsessive anxieties. So the project manager is middlemanning for the equivalent of a 16yo, which is all a WASTE of her TIME. | I miss the intern (Intern 1) from the Sunshine State. Sometimes I miss her because of the way she used the words basic (to describe people) and stupid. | The new Intern 1 is studying at the school I attended. I envy her ability to transition through tasks quickly. Drawings, models. My approach is more like doing all the tasks at once and evenly well. I like putting her in charge of Intern 2, who I’ll refer to as Princess from here on out. | One of the principals lost his cool because he could not find a pen he lost. It was like watching a child looking for Easter eggs in a mostly flat landscape with few hiding places (pavers, small plantings from Home Depot, dwarf trees, patchy grass, a not pre-fab shed, a fence overgrown with a tame version of kudzu). I wish I could share where the image comes from. | I spoke with a friend of mine who would be an ideal lover for a while this evening after I spent some time thinking about boycotting our relationship for a while because he would be an ideal lover. | Writing this is slow and my eyes are sinking shut. Good night.

I got a rash on my arm at work and went home early (I suspect it was the chipboard from Blick), but took a detour and got a haircut and felt a lot better after I got a haircut. I tip my hairdresser 30% because she always ends up having to get paint out of my hair. She really gets my hair. She really gets why I get my hair cut the way I get it cut. She really gets why I never change it up. She really tries to get me to change it up. She really–I like her well enough. I always try to cheat on her, but never do. I think it’s because she’s the minority in the bunch–the whole salon (whatever!!!) bills themselves as _ hairdressers (adjectivize with _ in NY and you’ve got it blanking made). Who cares, it’s just hair. I’ve got a head of perfectly straight hair, who cares. The only thing I hate about sitting there is sitting in front of the mirror. I usually sit through the whole cut with my eyes closed. I open my eyes when my hairdresser completes the cut and tucks my hair behind my ears. Presto done looks blanking good peace. I have hair rules like school uniform dress code hullabaloo. Work update: Intern III, who _ her # _ _ the other week is doing well. If the principals knew what treats I bought her with their money, they would tell me I was being excessive and I would say something like Don’t cheap out on the person who lost # _ trying to make u happy. The female principal’s voice has been getting on my nerves. The male principal’s whole presence is really just hella masc lately and really fuck him. Captain Yale treats me like a subhuman; I do the same to him a la Treat others how you want to be treated. I spent the day laughing at him while he was on the phone with real estate agents re properties for a project he is working on with the male principal: Think you’re gonna land a spot when the person you parrot can’t even pay us all on time? Think again u blank. Project manager is overly talented to be there. I don’t know why she puts up with it. Intern I is leaving at the end of the week. I like how well we joke around each other. Corona swimsuits. Intern II is being abused by Captain Yale and is completing drawings he should be cobbling together last minute. I hope she takes the office off her post-grad employers list. Intern III, addressed. Intern IV has been cramping my style and is loud Loud LOUD when’s he’s in the model shop. Last thing I said to him Please don’t throw or slam the tools. I don’t get entitled kids whose parents put them up off-campus around 14th Street while they’re in college. That’s the best way to guarantee yr kid won’t figure shit out. Maybe I just don’t like people who don’t list–who interrupt others. That’s what I decided today. I’m never going to interrupt another person ever again, unless it’s the male principal running his mouth about how they’re the best / most deserving / most capable architects in the city. I think the best architects in this city are those who have their pride in check. Who know the few things they do well, who value their employees and interns by paying all of them. Runny eggs, runny nose, runny thoughts. So I left work because of the chipboard rash and I really felt queasy while working in the office because Intern I was in there with me and she’s the one who witnessed Intern III’s accident, and after the accident and up until now, I hear Intern I’s initial verbal reaction seconds after she witnessed Intern III’s _. She called the Project Manager’s name across the office in a hyper specific tone. I kept hearing this in the back of my head and kept–god, I positioned my _ so far away from. I can’t write about it. Intern I and I agreed that, had what happened to Intern III happened to us, we’d be pissed and that either of our parents would sue. Intern I said it best It was just stupid, it all happened for REALLY, NOTHING. I think I’m done with the work update. I left my book at the hairdresser’s. A Gass, used, that happened to be signed. I want to scratch my arm with sandpaper. I want to find a better job that requires me to push work out of my hands. I want to find a better job where people value routine, their lives and intellectual development outside the office, eating dinner at the same time and outside the office every night. By now, it’s just more runny thoughts and I just want to work for architects who don’t need a Captain Yale / “creative director” (bullshit) / parrot (which this—🐦—is likely not).

I think this is all going down IRL as I_s o_ the B_ O_. I think that’s the goal. I think the goal has a lot to do with compassion. I think all else is sociopathic. I don’t know what it all means but I think it is valid. I told someone who is my Friend (emphasis on that caps F) that I am underachieving. I prevented her inquiry re my lover by asking about hers. I support her in all that she is doing. I think she will run the perfect firm to work for one day and I think she is one of the most decent architects I have met. | I love a challenge. I like New York because it’s a challenge to be here. Not to make it or anything, just to be here. Building tolerance and all that shit. Commonness, commonalities, community, even the falseness of it all–it’s good for that. At least The Island is. In my mind the Island is all that matters. I guess it’s okay to include all those who are temporarily Islanders for their 9 to 5s. | Today was a good day at work. Tomorrow will be a good day at Work (emphasis on the caps W), which is not the 9 to 5+ +Saturdays and a missing paycheck from the first two weeks of June. | Sometimes you just have to shut out all the bad shit and focus on all the good that can come out of a place, the people around you, the person you love that’s not around you. Sometimes you have to believe that persistence pays even though it mostly doesn’t bc the group politic is fucking god fearing and believes that shit happens for a reason. Meanwhile, I occasionally believe my father’s whole shit happens because the shit that happens upon a person is something some higher power knows that person can handle. Higher power is simply ours most of the time. | Too many beverages this evening, not enough water signs. The Friend shares a sign with an old lover. The old lover does not matter anymore but the new Friend certainly does. | I think about an old friend who inserts herself into my dreamspace and all she has to say there is Thank you for sharing the Internet with me. I’ve never heard the word Internet in dreamspace. Emphasis on the caps I.

Lack of compassion, insensitive, selfish, self-absorbed, self-concerned, etc. That was me thinking about my bosses yesterday while we were at B_, waiting for the d_s to get back to the family (not the 9-5/work family) about the daughter’s condition. Read: Some really blanked up shit happened at work and I had / have 0 appreciation for how my employers handled / handle themselves around the blanked up shit. Liabilities, Workers Comp, Insurance, Shop Consultants. While at the h_, I just wanted to yell Wake the Blank Up–I promise, a lot of this shit has NOTHING to do with YOU. The only reason any of this shit is resolvable is because the Project Manager was calm throughout the process. She really just snapped into This is how we will deal with this mode. All I really did was call 911. No, I’m not writing about this. It’s too much. The daughter was so positive when we stopped by to see her at the hospital tonight. We brought her a strange assortment of flowers. She tried to keep her dimpled smile on the whole time. She must have spent the whole day she was awake looking at her whole h_ mining the possibilities for the now no longer whole one. She was so positive and her positivity was a kick in the blank. I need to stop before– | Cortado. Cortado. Cortado. | My male employer likes to take an accusatory tone when dealing with me. My male employer is an asshole. In his language the way he deals is all sorts of machismist. | I like it when people on the train try to strike up a chat. Most of the time I oblige. This city is sometimes shitty and sometimes the last thing you need is yet another person who’ll ignore you. None of that made sense together, but I guess, by now, that’s the theme in all of this. | I told her to go for a swim, to participate in well-regulated socialization / distraction instead of telling her Don’t blame yourself. I gave her a hug before she went underground to catch her train. I will bring her dessert for our half day at work tomorrow. We have to work on a Saturday because Captain Yale is incapable of doing work for himself. | The blanked up shit from far above really made me want to quit. No, my employers’ attitude re the blanked up shit above really made me want to quit. Now I just have to find another job. New criteria for the job hunt: (To be continued, my eyeballs are getting sleepy and– | I bought a lemon tree.