I’m a bit unmotivated today. Backwards: UPS drop-off (needed to size down two sizes for some mismatched (not in size) shoes to work out), hunting for a plant (nothing tall enough), bank for a few bucks, OCDd apartment, dealt with super replacing my fire alarm battery because the landlords insisted they do it (maybe to check if we’re all still alive and haven’t died of CO poisoning–we’d all die from the street noise before that ever happened), went on a run, straightened out library, read a little, woke up at 5, sleep at half past 3 despite watching the show that always puts me to sleep because I learn nothing from it, invoiced a client, ate dinner that I had time to prepare, got home and the sun was out, walk home from work totally weird shit; thought about _ on the train and thought it must be nice for all those people who end up with someone they only share The Future with which is probably what _ wants but–expletive it, I understand this, but for expletive’s sake–I’m not getting into this shit, not now; walk to the train station totally weird shit (leftover pho on control box of traffic light post, chubby girl in sheer-backed blouse with the top of her buttcheeks muffintopping out of her waistband with her underwear tag sticking out of the crack and her backpack’s tasseled doodad hitting the intersection of crack tag and waistband, thinking Stan Allens* instead of Stan Smiths when confronted with a line of people, all strangers to one another, in variations of the shoe, being pointed at and called Dora by some lil girl whose mother dressed her in all black with lil faux Yeezy Boosts, a lot of those weird calligraphers who’ll write your name in worse than wingdings calligraphy on a strip of paper (god that part of town is a mess)). | Work yesterday was bullshit. I got stuck in some obsessive mental hamster wheel: What the fuck am I doing here my bosses don’t care about architecture that I care about, architecture that is at the very least socially concerned, worried about carbon footprints, architecture that didn’t get stuck in a time and if it did took the clock off the wall for 2 seconds, architecture that improves its references, architecture with resilient details, she was right, they have “like” 25 die hard fans and that’s about it, you can’t professionalize by abusing someone who can help you professionalize, architecture that gives a flying expletive, architecture that isn’t money or fame hungry, architecture that solves problems, architecture that can critique and change what it’s whining about, architecture that looks as good from a distance as it does up close, they need to start paying their interns, and me because I’m still owed a paycheck and in 7 days will be owed 2, they need to start giving credit where it is due (naming references), architecture that doesn’t come with a laundry list of awards as a way to legitimize its practice, some people must think _’s d_s are rehash of those by that architect he worked for, would it bother me if his d_s were better than that architect’s when side by side, architecture that cares past whether shit just looks good, architecture that doesn’t need to be photoshopped–I’ll stop. I’m sure I could have written that more clearly, but I’m tired because I’m underslept. | I sometimes wish everyone at work would be more honest with the principal while he’s working through the projects. It just looks bad would suffice. Or, in the case of the writing: The sun will fucking come up tomorrow.| I’m going up to work on the job I care about more tomorrow. Actual architecture, none of this All is Suffering according to one of the principals bullshit.

*the architect

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